Estella

Day 8, Rest day, June 15th, 2023

I still have terrible diarrhoea, but I don't feel so exhausted anymore. I even walk to a nearby supermarket in the afternoon to buy biscuits, noodle soup and lemonade to get my circulation going a bit.

I am sad. The Camino de Santiago is so different from what I imagined. Yes, there have been some beautiful days and moments so far, but the overall feeling is rather gloomy. I don't know how to describe it, but it is like a mosaic, where I mainly have the less appealing pieces which I put together and look at. I don't like the overall picture, and I don't like the feeling that comes with it. The terrible food and my pain are contributing significantly to this.

I am homesick so I call David. But that only makes it worse, and I imagine how wonderful it would be to be back home in England. I see our sunny garden where David is watering the plants with the yellow garden hose. I see Bob, the stray cat who always comes to us, sitting by the door waiting for us to feed him. I see my flat in Herne and imagine myself wrapped in a blanket, lying on the sofa and watching Netflix series, one after the other. I long for the comfort of someone sitting by my bed, making me tea. I yearn for the security of a familiar environment where my language is understood. Then I catch myself entering the route from London to Estella into my GPS. It would take David sixteen hours by car to get here, and that doesn't even include breaks, traffic jams and anything else.
My room is getting on my nerves, I want more natural light. Yesterday I didn't care but today I am going stir-crazy. I have to get out of here!
The diarrhoea subsides in the evening, and I pray that I can continue my way tomorrow.